Diary Of A Coach.com

Hello Again

June 22nd, 2007 at 10:21 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Executive coaching)

Back from sunny Spain suitably rested, refreshed and raring to go.
 

Back at work, I had the initial coaching session with the friend of a friend yesterday, which I am pleased to report went very well. I am satisfied that the level of commitment is very high, that the goal is clear - a stretch but achievable, and that we have set ourselves up well for a game we can win. Now the action part! Let’s see what results, revelations and learnings the first week brings.
 

Today I will be running a session of visioning which I love as it brings all the senses in to play: sight, sound, touch, taste and feelings. It will be a session of dare to dream, followed by a reality check on current state of play, finished with an action plan of how we are going to move from our current reality in the direction of the goal and desired future state.
 

In past sessions like these, I have seen some real surprises between what the left  brain logically determines as a goal and what the right brain - if allowed to explore - can uncover.  It comes back to the point I made a few weeks back about a To Do List set of goals versus goals that are really linked to passion and purpose.
 

Anyone else out there up engaging in new coaching sessions?

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On Coaching Friends (And Friends Of Friends)

May 31st, 2007 at 2:50 pm (Coaching, Coaching Clients)

Well what a weekend. Great for ducks I say. I am off to (I hope) sunny Spain tomorrow so hopefully I can dry out….

It has been another interesting week again. One of the things I most love about coaching is the fact that, as I said some weeks ago, you just never know what you’re gonna get.

This week I received a call from someone who would like to pay for coaching for someone very dear to them. Wow what a friend! From a coaching perspective however the initial coaching conversation will be really crucial. In my past experience there have been times when someone has been ‘sent’ by someone else. There can be an unspoken message in this process which says ‘you need fixing’. It can also mean ‘I care about you so much I want to do all I can to support you, for my part I will pay and for your part you will need to put in the time and effort.’

Sometimes we are too close to family and special friends, and it is best not to coach them. Some people say never teach your wife to drive and certainly never coach her! What has been your experience of being coached by someone you know or coaching someone you know? What do you consider to be the benefits or downside? I fall on the side of preferring to recommend them to someone else so there is total objectivity, no assumptions and the space of anything is possible can be honoured. I would appreciate your comments on this one please.

So, back to last week’s request. I will be especially mindful of checking the level of commitment on the part of the person about to be coached. Also it needs to be acknowledged that whilst the mutual friend chose me, I may not be the choice the person I am being asked to coach would have made for herself…. I will keep you posted as to the outcome.

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Something’s gotta give…

May 22nd, 2007 at 5:43 pm (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Out with the old and in with the new. Being the diligent coach that I am, I already had plans in place to fill vacant coaching slots left by my last project group.

I had a session with a new client yesterday who is an interesting one. He has a solid background, great career path, obviously very highly thought of by his company - so much so that they have flown him in from Asia to the UK to repeat the success he has achieved there over here.

Fairly straightforward on the face of it. Not too difficult to reflect on what skills, attitudes and experience he has in his recent past that can be applied now. However, as we got further into our discussions, it became apparent that  he still has responsibility for the very busy, full time job he has left behind in Asia. Well you don’t have to be an Einstein to work out that the chap is now doing two full time jobs, one in the UK and one in Asia. No wonder then he is feeling overwhelmed and out of his depth…….

Which actually is not peculiar to him. Not many people I have coached are running two full time jobs in two different continents, but it stands to reason that whatever your goals, when you are introducing new things in to your life, it generally means letting go of something else. Last time I checked, there were still only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week.

So, go for your dreams, take challenges on the chin, stretch by all means but hey let’s not raise our expectations of ourselves and others so impossibly high that we set ourselves up for failure.  

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Recognition And Rewards

May 16th, 2007 at 6:52 pm (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Friday of this week marks for me the end of what has been an interesting 10 week project with a group of fairly diverse characters. F or me this is where we get to the stage of “closing the book”.

You should hear me play piano

April 26th, 2007 at 8:39 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Well a very special hello to Jane from Canada and to Alice! There I was thinking that the whole world reads Diary of a Coach and in fact it appears only two people do! Well it’s a start. From little acorns and all that… Seriously your comments are appreciated and do please keep them coming. Interesting thought from Alice though about fear of being judged and wanting. I understand your point about the fear of being judged but not sure I totally understand what you mean about the wanting piece. Please do explain.

The fear of being judged leads me to question who you think may be judging you? A common theme does keep appearing when I talk to coaches about this. I know many who are fantastic coaches with a huge amount to offer and with different areas of expertise. Ask them though to sell themselves or their services and they pretty much have a cardiac arrest. WHY? Some would maybe argue that they don’t have basic selling skills, but my instinct tells me it is something deeper. If we perceive a gap in ourselves, our abilities and our offerings, I believe on one level that is what we portray to the world.
 

Some coaches ask me how can I coach someone in an area that I know nothing about? Which raises the whole difference between knowledge based coaching versus commitment based coaching. And it highlights for me the differences between coaching, mentoring and teaching. I could coach someone who has a life long goal to play the piano but I couldn’t mentor them or teach them. In fact as their coach we would probably agree the first action step for them would be to identify a great piano teacher.
 

And for you Alice I respectfully suggest you start offering chocolate at your shared learning meetings and see what happens….  

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Earth to coaches…

April 18th, 2007 at 8:55 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

I got together with a group of coaches at the weekend. We meet every couple of months with the idea of assisting each other if necessary with information on latest trends etc., and to ask for help and ideas if we are finding certain coaching assignments challenging. 

But, as we were sitting in my house nibbling on my remaining Easter eggs, it struck me that not many coaches seem willing either to ask for specific help or discuss their own work (obviously within the confines of confidentiality). Certainly on leadership programmes I have worked on, contribution is a pillar which supports effective leadership. So how come coaches feel they have to appear to know everything and don’t want to seem uninformed or incompetent? Is it an issue of trust? Is it that we don’t want to contribute to each others progress? Should I have bought cheese bites? 

So let us practice what we preach: let’s reach out, ask for help and support, trust each other, operate from a mentality of abundance – there is enough work out there for everyone. I am the first to admit that even with many years of coaching and experience under my belt, I benefit hugely from others input, discussions and ideas. 

So over to you. Some comments please. Anything at all that you as coaches would like to ask. Anything at all that you are experiencing that may be useful for others to know in terms of things that have worked well for you and maybe things that haven’t, and the learning you have taken from that. 

IF NOT NOW, WHEN? IF NOT YOU, WHO? I await your comments…    

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Raising the bar on personal goals

April 11th, 2007 at 11:08 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Easter has come and gone, but  brought with it a lovely long weekend, sunshine and loads of the dreaded stuff beginning with c…… The weather was so nice that I had to put my Easter eggs in the fridge, sitting in there staring at me every time I went to get a diet coke or a low cal yoghourt. Those eggs were just begging to be eaten. So I obliged.

My project group are doing well and gathering momentum with their goals. We are already nearly approaching the halfway point in their 10 week assignments. As their coach, now is the time for me to be looking to raise the bar for them. Always an interesting point in coaching and I think an essential one too:  break the bigger goal down into bite sized pieces so they can get some early wins under their belt.

Then it is a matter of timing. Raise the bar too soon and they can get despondent and give up. Leave it too long before you raise it and they can get bored, especially the ones who have had previous experience of finding it challenging seeing a project through to completion. Also essential in my opinion is that everyone in the group acknowledges their successes and has some kind of reward system in place. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but it is useful to get them into the habit of recognising how far they have already come. I liken it to skiing: sometimes we are so focussed on that end point at the bottom of the ski slope (usually a bar with gluwein aplenty) that we forget to stop on the way down the slope and look what terrain we have already successfully covered.

What is also interesting to me at this stage of the coaching assignment is that the coaching relationship has developed and trust has been established. Once you reach this point (and it is an art not a science knowing when this has happened), I am especially mindful of tuning into the seemingly “throw away” comments towards the end of conversations. A greater depth to their goals or new ones that we have not spoken about before are coming to the surface. I put it down to these people connecting with what is important, having some success already and having confidence in themselves to achieve their dreams.

Some really interesting personal lifelong ambitions have been raised by a couple of the people in the group this week. And once again I am reminded of what a privilege it is to be a catalyst in their journey. If you are even remotely interested in coaching I urge you not to hesitate. Do whatever it takes. And commit to someone else’s success. It is amazing.

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Enlightened leadership (and chocolate)

April 3rd, 2007 at 12:30 pm (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Week three is here already and the stock piles of chocolate in the shops is overwhelming. Not such good news for those people I am coaching who have goals to lose weight and to develop a six pack. And there was even news on Crimewatch last night that a lorry with some thirty thousand Easter Eggs had been hijacked. Now I know I love chocolate but I swear I am not guilty. Beware if you are offered job lots of Easter Eggs.

Interesting this process of emotional connection with goals which is going on with the groups I am working with. Two people in my group of 10 have produced more results in a week than they have in the last six months. The ex lawyer is busy with a renewed sense of purpose, rather than busy being busy. With the suggestions and contributions from the rest of the project team, he looks on track to achieve all he dreamed of and more.

Another of the 10 also created results in two weeks he has been aiming towards for the last 10 months. When we reflected together what had worked well, he said that without doubt it was because he now has the clarity of to what was really important to him. Previously he had been either procrastinating or stuck in something of an arrogant mindset expending energy in areas where he had no control. By tweaking slightly and looking at what he had either control or influence over and recognising where he had no control and further making choices around where he expends his energy, the turnaround in events has been amazing. Interestingly he has decided to apply this principle to his love life to see what results that might create…..

The arts in business group I mentioned last week have reported various success stories too. The common thread is that they have all noticed a beneficial shift in the context of how they do things as opposed to what they do. Without exception all are more laser-like in both their written and spoken communication. They are much more able to connect with their ‘audiences’ in an engaging way as a result of learning the techniques great actors and musicians use before major performances. Each individual in the group now really has a much deeper connection to the responsibility that authentic leadership carries.

On a personal note I am in favour in all things connected to enlightened leadership and anything that reminds us in our fast paced, consumer driven, ever changing technological world of what it is to be human. To see the possibility and potential in ourselves and to nurture that in others is - I think - what makes the world go around. That and the occasional trip to Thorntons obviously.

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Whose Goal Is It Anyway?

March 28th, 2007 at 11:03 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Well a week has come and gone already and I have added another layer to the box of chocolates (the one I mentioned last week).  My coaching group of 10 – who range from soft centered strawberry crèmes to hard caramel hazlenuts - are all at various places in their 10 week journey. And that dynamic of starting but not finishing is proving interesting.

One of my past keys to success has been to really connect someone with why what they have chosen to work on is important to them. Typically these sorts of people want to get straight in to action. No problem at all with that since coaching is about taking action. However if one is disconnected from what they are doing and why they are doing it, it is very easy to get distracted, lose heart or give up.

So spending a little time early on getting clarity around the real drivers behind a desired goal or outcome is a worthwhile investment. The vision has to become bigger than the challenges one may face on the way. Connecting someone emotionally to their goals is vital because as a coach you can keep re-connecting them with this in times of hardship, boredom or self doubt.

In many cases it has been established early on that the initial goal is something they might like but actually are not committed to having. It may be something they thought they ought to be doing, or even someone else’s goal for them. Again, this is about commitment, although everyone has their own version of what commitment means.  I am referring to commitment at its highest level i.e. ‘I am committed means I will do whatever it takes’.

Another new coaching project I started this week is about using the tools of art in a business environment. It’s not about teaching business executives to be artists or musicians. It is more an experience of really connecting the right and left brain to perform and produce results at a significantly higher level. It also puts the human element back in to our technological world. (I for one am all for this, not because I am a technophobe, but because I believe we are in serious danger of becoming de-humanised in this hi tech, fast paced and demanding environment we live in nowadays.)

Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend where participants experienced real power versus force (many think the latter is needed in order to be successful..). The testimonials at the end of the course were of the highest level and I am looking forward to working with the participants to translate their learning back in to their business and personal lives.

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A New Project

March 20th, 2007 at 10:22 am (Coaching, Coaching Clients, Teamwork, Coach Training, Executive coaching)

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. Well, according to Forrest Gump anyway. I say coaching is like a box of chocolates too. I never know from one week to the next what or who I am going to get. And this week has been no exception with some really interesting new clients. (I am often so inspired by the goals of my clients that I sometimes wonder whether I should be paying them – but don’t them tell that!)

I am imagining how this new 10 week coaching project will pan out, given that 90% of the people I am coaching are great at starting projects but lose interest after the initial novelty phase has worn off. At least one of them though is very steady and disciplined and takes careful measured steps in pursuit of his goals. What he would like is to get out of his comfort zone and raise the bar. Which given that one of his personal goals is to get fitter (he secretly told me he would like a six pack and he wasn’t referring to lagers), I guess he definitely will be raising the bar literally and metaphorically.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could magically swap some of our traits with others? If I were to take the best of each person I am coaching and create one person with all those attributes, what would that produce? Actually that’s not such a good idea since it would negate the need for any coaching for this perfect individual. That sounded rather mercenary. I don’t coach just for the money. I do take the money, but believe it or not, cliché as it may sound, I really do get pleasure from supporting others to get what they want. 

When I first trained as a coach six years ago, my trainer said there was no such joy as being part of someone else’s success. I now experience for myself the truth in that. I am heartened by the very noticeable spirit of support and contribution with this particular group. They each have their own business and personal goals. And in addition to their weekly sessions with me, they have decided to share their goals with each other and look for ways to help and challenge each other. Two of them want to change their careers - bold steps since both are in their forties and have spent years training as a lawyer in one case and a GP in the other. Is it my pattern or theirs that I attract people wanting to get off the corporate treadmill and do something for themselves?

I have witnessed many success stories and it is awesome to be invited to launches of new businesses and to receive news later down the line how successful some of these new ventures have been. I have no doubt that this new group will create some amazing results, and that they will learn heaps, and so will I.

Watch this space for their progress and mine too as their coach.

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